bread in toaster
My new toaster is approximately 2cm too short to uniformly cook my slice of bread, which I estimate to be approx. (10±2) cm x (5±1) cm in dimension. This places my estimate of the (single) toaster chamber dimensions at around (7±2) cm x (7±1) cm.
link to diagrammatic depiction of bread
Proposed Solution 1: Periodically Rotate Bread
This is intuitively appealing, especially because the method is easy to implement and results in browning across the entirety of the bread. However, the method fails due to the high likelihood of overclocking in-toaster time in the central approx. 60% of the main body (or bread-thorax) of the slice. This is problematic because the central body of the bread is potentially the most important for the following reasons:
- The majority of the bread (and hence the majority of the eating experience) is concentrated about the middle segment (thorax) of the bread.
- Excessive browning / burning in the central region reduces capacity for absorption of jam / butter by the central region of the bread, therefore producing a superficial and poorly-integrated veneer of confiture that should otherwise imbue the bread.
Verdict: Reject unless preserve absorption deemed inferior to ease of in-situ bread rotation.
Proposed Solution 2: Blowtorch
Method 2 has a significant historical precedent in the form of Trinity Burnt Cream (crème brûlée), which is traditionally prepared by caramelising the sugar of the cream using an intense heat source (e.g. blowtorch or similar). Additionally, blowtorches can be manipulated by-hand and have effectively one temperature setting, which can be fine-tuned by varying the distance between bread and flame. This eliminates uncertainty arising from inter-manufacturer variation re numerical temperature settings on the dial. Ergo we, the people, control the heat. Not industry.
However, Solution 2: Blowtorch prevents several drawbacks which we consider below:
- Industry variation in quality / intensity of blowtorch likely results in unpredictable, potentially overly potent, browning / blackening, thereby rendering bread inedible
- Proximity of blowtorch to young / elderly can cause spontaneous combustion in young / elderly
- Blowtorch requires refuelling, leading to accumulation of excess costs and increased carbon footprint in toasting production chain.
Verdict: Reject unless can guarantee isolation from bystanders and / or obtain hermetically isolated kitchen with dearth of flammable material.
Proposed Solution 3: Forgo toasting, consume raw bread.
Verdict: Reject. Toast is for toasting.
Proposed Solution 4: Trim bread to fit toaster
Resizing the breading object in order to fit the dimensions of the toasting chamber is easily effected and results in more uniform browning than allowing the bread to enter the toaster unaltered. Of course, we have to allow for variation in browning due to the temperature gradient between the bottom and top of the chamber, but this is a universal drawback of commercial toasters and must be considered acceptable error.
Trimming the bread to fit the toaster is not without drawbacks:
- Excess raw bread must be otherwise consumed to prevent food waste and is not easily adorned with butter / jam, raising possibility of consuming raw and unflavoured bread.
- Sacrificing the top layer of crust results in loss of approx. 16% of crust, which is unacceptable as eating the crust makes you a big, strong boy, as I was told repeatedly by l.m.r. between 2003-2008.
Verdict: Accept if solution 5 impossible, disposing of raw bread using advanced alternating mastication techniques wherein bites alternate between toasted and raw bread.
Proposed Solution 5: Pan-fry bread
Pan-frying bread is not only eminently achievable but is in fact traditional. Use of pans to brown bread presumably predates the emergence and subsequent market dominance of the now ubiquitous electric toaster whose presence in the domestic setting constitutes a culinary panopticon of Orwellian proportions, though we have made this concession because they are good at making the bread brown.
Verdict: Accept pan-frying, apply jam after browning, reject mass-market toaster of insufficient dimension.